Just noticed your post sitting here without a response. And I've seen and replied to another post in another forum.

I think without addressing the alcohol use, it is difficult to address a personality disorder.

My ex's pd was masked by alcohol, at the same time he had all the history of bpd. Eventually there was a professional prognosis of bipolar/bpd. Eventually, he had mandated counseling. By that point the damage was already done.

Now, my former therapist, alluded to npd as far as my father is concerned. My stepmom backed up this notion by sharing her t's opinion, as well.

So both pd's, I've real life experience with. I do believe my father can behave in atypical manic ways on top of it all, as opposed to my ex, which the bipolar part was head scratching for me.

Either way, both of these men are affected in their relationships because of it.

I think looking at early childhood is important to see if there's something that is a trigger mechanism ?

As a person on the other side of them, sorting out myself and working on boundaries etc is important.