I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been in the depths of despair about this too (years ago) --- it was a long grieving process for me. We were never able to have children. I joined an on-line support group where I rec'd support from others who "got it" and then I was able to support other women who were reeling from the realization they couldn't have biological children. Anyhow, that really helped me; being able to feel understood and then being able to help others.
All I can say is that it was a lengthy grieving process - hard grief for 3-4 years and then it eased. It's not like typical grief - grieving the loss of someone you had - this is grieving something that never was. I found it different. I let myself feel all the things I'd miss. I spent time each day doing "the work" of grief, so it didn't overwhelm my entire day. It's truly hard work.
It may be a challenge for you to understand this right now (I know i couldn't have understood it when i was in deep despair), but I have finally come to a "place" where I'm actually happy I didn't have kids. We are more financially secure and have more freedom.
I've learned that not everyone has children. My view was "off" and now I realize I'm not alone. Hugs to you. I know this is hard.
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