Thank you for your replies.

I'm starting to wonder if I have been low-grade depressed now for about 4 months. I've been feeling more disinterested in things and life in general. I've had to take a handful of flights in that time and can't help feeling that I would "be fine with it" if something terrible like a plane crash were to happen. I'm afraid to share my feelings with others.

I guess my question is, how can I manage to live a fulfilling life despite depression. I think my depression may be partly situational as I haven't had school full time to keep me stimulated and occupied. And I haven't had as many friends around.

I need to push through and keep on living despite feeling this way. I try to think that I am still living, but I just have tough shell exterior covering myself, but I can still maneuver within that shell. This works for a while but at the end of the day I'm exhausted and don't have much juice to "act normal" around people.

But I have to keep trying. Soon I'll have more on my plate and I need to be able to face it.