An update and reply: I haven't made any moves since my post. The situation became awkward when the wife of the man I've been considering "gave me permission" to sleep with her husband. At that moment I felt I lost control of the situation and some how she contained it. She said since she had an affair on him this would even them out. I couldn't possibly contribute to this. It could have been entirely different. I'm 100% turned off from the idea, so no more worries about a one night stand. But this doesn't stray from the fact I am still home with my husband and tolerating the %#@&#! he puts me through on a regular basis.

I agree that there are other ways out, but my fear of leaving high and dry, risking it all for what exactly? I'm not even sure, possibly for even worse suffering. Poverty, hunger, and complete failure...maybe. I could become a welfare recipient...but the idea of living in such poor conditions relying on the state for food, shelter, and warmth seems unstable. All I ever wanted for my kids is a good life. I have to decide which bout of suffering I have to endure upon them or myself and which of it is worse. So far I lean towards staying with their father because although he treats me like %#@&#! he treats his babies like gold....for the time being.

My problems have not been solved and a one night stand surely would have complicated everything more. I don't regret the fact that it never happened and never will. I did consider all you're replies, but even then with all the disagreement on my behavior I felt I was going to do it...I really was. Unfotunately, or maybe not so, I'm unable to do it.

I appreciate ya'll sticking with me and not judging me so harshly. This was after all the only place to turn with this secret. Do not worry, I will get through this.