Thanks mona, I'm okay, I'm just seeing T tomorrow for the first time in a couple of weeks and I feel a bit weird. I'm sure I'll feel better after the session.
I was just saying something in response to what you said about staying with abusive relationships and having a high tolerance for abuse. It was just that past relational patterns don't have to define our present or future relationships and sometimes it just takes meeting a different type of person, who won't respond to you in the way you've always known, to change your perspective on what abuse you can tolerate. My H did this to me with his kindness and patience and undid the script of all the abusive relationships of my past. I was just saying that as long as you stay with this T you are denying yourself the opportunity to find a therapeutic relationship which can help to undo this script.
I didn't want it to sound like I was blaming you in any way, because I understand completely how difficult it is to break a pattern like this.