It is really difficult to break this pattern ( and painful , excruciating sometimes ) My head is all over the place with transference and I see it with others here on the forum too so I know I'm not alone. I can sort of see what your T is doing , trying to make it so intolerable and unbearable that you go that's enough. My rescue cat has been with me for five months and he's learned to trust me through being loved and cared about and treated properly - and that's what we all respond too. Tough love ? Well , it sounds good in theory , but don't overdo it.