Thank you Echoes and Out There! Echos I didn't feel you were blaming me at all. Sometimes this relational pattern of mine consumes and controls me. I forget that it doesn't always have to be so hard and it's easy to blame myself when everyone I interact with responds in the same way. I am the problem, realistically I know that relationships are co created but sometimes I go straight to the blame myself trap. Changing scripts that we have used our whole lives will take more than three years of therapy to change. I need to see a new way of living and experience a new way of interacting with people to be able to move on. I really hope your session with your t tomorrow goes well.
It is really difficult to break the pattern OutThere but I know it can be done because you have done it.
I get what my t is doing too, I really do and it may work with others and with me it just hurts too much because of my transference/ attachment to her.