I just told my t I didn't think I had Bipolar and she agreed with me. I do not want to live most days. I feel that I take up space on the planet and do not contribute. She said I had depression. She asked if I ever had mania. I do not remember. I have been unstable, what does that look like, melancholy blues, electric greens and drops of spinny orange against a wavering creme de la creme background. I want to stop all my meds. They don't work anyway. Up, down, inside out, lay me flat on a lawn in the rain until I pale in the softened moonlamp.