TRUST is huge in a marriage. Ours was breached and I found out at 23 years married. It wasn't an 'emotional' connection, though. It was "fee for service". I'm still struggling from this. It's trauma (per my therapist and I agree).

It takes a long time to re-build trust (2-5 years is what I've read) and yes, it's impacted my ability to trust him and 'let go' during sex. I know he hasn't gone back to porn and prostitutes, so I know I am safe from diseases, but it's so hard 'letting it go' and learning to trust. In my experience, other people that haven't had this happen to them have a hard time understanding the magnitude of the trauma.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say I'm, sorry, I understand what it feels like to be betrayed for several years, and at a least for now, I am willing to work on the marriage IF he shows HE is working on it.

@toolman56 - he has a good point... for example, I trust him now, but I monitor his comings and goings and he agreed to that. It's part of re-building trust - is he where he says he is?

HUGS