I hear you. Sometimes you just have to say what you're feeling. No one who struggles with mental illness is lazy or stupid! Carrie Fisher (who had bipolar) said if you're struggling with this you should be proud of yourself not ashamed. You're one of the most courageous people around and you deserve a medal for dealing with this.
She said it better, but the sentiment is the same.
You are not stupid. You are not lazy. You are brave beyond belief even though you may not feel like it right now.
Please reach out for help in real life. You deserve to feel better.
Sending you healing thoughts