thanks a lot Mal. i guess through all of the replies and support here since this happened weds night I have been able to process this whole thing and feel much more clear about what MY reality is. My reality is that my friend was so special and loved me and made a profound influence on my life. I only hope that I can touch one other's life that way and I will feel like my life was worth it. Tears here, I still don't understand she could be dead.