Just need to share.

I feel very overwhelmed right now. I started to work for the German foreign ministry on Monday and have to concentrate all day. At night I am in my hypo party rhythm. Haven't been alone for two weeks. Mostly sleep five to six hours a night, than once a week crash and sleep ten.

When the guy I was dating had to return to Mexico because of his Visa I started doing more and more stuff, went to see my family, felt like mixed, went back to Berlin, hypo, more and more projects, people, looking for a new flat (which is stressing me out), new work, just couldn't and can't stop doing stuff.

But my body is so tired and even though I can still feel the energy pusing through me like electricity and I can't sit still for more than a few seconds I feel that underneath all of this I am incredibly sad and afraid.

Next t appointment in one week. Next p in two. Want to take meds finally. My rhythm is killing me. Should stop drinking alcohol but then I don't sleep at all. Don't want to be sad and alone.