the title of this thread... welcome to my life. I'm sorry you're not doing so hot right now. just remember BP is a cyclic disorder, and at some point you WILL feel better than you do now . might not feel like it, I know the feeling, "oh this will never get better, I'm gonna feel like this for the rest of my life". they're just depressive thoughts, nothing more. but things will turn around for you, hopefully sooner than later .

Hang in there!