Quote:
Originally Posted by Krimekitty
I don't really know if my problem is something serious that needs a therapist. A lot of people get cheated on anyway. I tried going to church for a few months to try and find some peace but I guess it doesn't work the same way for everyone. That's the closest I've come to having some kind of therapy I think.
@Gojamadar
Yes, I get what you mean. Although cheating has never crossed my mind, I've had other guys ask me out even though they knew I was married. For him maybe there were other factors too that's why he gave in. And like I said, he's really turned things around since. That's why I think the problem really is with me.
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I was married for over 10 years. I've always worked and brought in more money than my husband. Although he was 7 years older than me, I had a professional background that he did not. I agreed to fund him getting a degree, which he did. And my dad gave him his first professional job as IT Manager. We both had great jobs etc., and I thought things were going very well.
One day my husband came home early, saying that his workplace had suspended his employment as he was under investigation. According to my husband, they'd sent him home for no reason. I was outraged, and started calling lawyers on his behalf. But whilst on the phone, I couldn't help but notice that he was grabbing files and computers and shoving them in the boot of his car.
Prior to this incident, I'd discovered that he had an online profile advertising himself on an adult swingers site. I was dealing with that, when this came up.
My ex never explained what was going on. He continued to blame his employer. It took his lawyer to eventually tell me what he'd done. He'd stolen 1.5 million from his workplace - and him, me, (we, us as a family - just had a baby) , were ruined.
I was stunned. We both had high paying jobs. And in addition, we had an 18 month old.
Anyway, long story short, he went to jail for almost 4 years.
Before he was even arrested, I remember the moment when we were sitting together and he was telling me yet another version of 'why' and 'who' etc. I realised that I had no idea whether he was telling me the truth or not. And from that point on I could never rely on him. That's when I knew I couldn't be with him and the marriage was over.
It all boils down to honesty. Demand honesty. A skilled liar will always throw the blame back on you. If you accept that behaviour; if you have no standards or self-esteem, you will always have a liar in your life.
SQ