I went to my 30th high school reunion back 9 years ago and I went home the next day and got out my yearbooks and started looking at them, looking up people I now knew who they were from my elementary school pictures I'd taken and that a "best friend" from when I was 5-7 helped me with who the people in them were, etc. But just looking at my high school yearbooks and reading what people had written in them was astonishing. A couple people commented on my poetry, and I could have sworn before then that I hadn't started writing poetry until 10+ years later! I started wondering about this self that had been writing poetry all this time ago and I didn't remember her?

I think maybe we work on things and remember only so long as that work "helps" us, kind of like symptoms and how they can change. My writing poetry at 16-17 probably wasn't for "artistic" reasons and when circumstances changed, so did how I approached them? Then when poetry might have helped again (it did the second time) I started on the poetry again.

Think of all the sessions you've had with T and I'm sure there are many you don't remember much detail about? But some were extremely helpful probably. I haven't seen my T for 2 years but saw her for 9 before that but I can't tell you much detail; I don't need to anymore. It's like dreams that you analyze and get their meaning/juice from and then don't need anymore. The panic attacks, SI, etc. back when you knew this guy were "communication" and trying to figure out how to get yourself help, etc. and once you did, got on the correct "road", you didn't need to remember them anymore.