Thank you. Well, it seems like T doesn't care if I try to look him up. I realize it's not really the issue. It's her saying "no, and not telling me, that triggers me. It feels like she doesn't love me, or I'm not lovable or trustworthy or something. I don't know exactly. T says it's those childhood rejections. I always think there is more. Maybe because I wasn't good at saying no. So don't like it said to me. I'm not sure that makes sense or not. Just rambling here!