Sounds like a VERY rough year. I have had similiar questions myself after a rough year. I was already seeing a psychiatrist and have been in therapy for 15 months. Having done a lot of self reflection about some very poor actions on my part, I was affected by stressful life events,depression (possibly of a bipolar type) and perimenopause but really, one can never truly know which stressor/condition is most responsible for the way we are. Isn't life just too complicated to analyze with any certainty? I am finally at the point that I'm not wondering how I got this way anymore and just trying to manage it. Wondering can drive you crazy but is a natural thing to do after what you have been through. Good luck meeting new people; now that you have gotten through the worst of it, things will probably get better for you...