Quote:
Originally Posted by objectclient
Hi Rainbow. I struggle with the very same issue and like you, I don't really know from where it originates. It's a behavior/pattern of which I have memories as far back as the age of 5. In recent years, after finally admitting to myself that I engage in this "obsessive" behavior and that it affects my day to day functioning, I have often asked myself, why? What purpose does this serve, only to create more pain? Well, this is what I came up with and maybe it might help you too???
1. It's a habit. As I said, this is a behavior that goes back many years and is all too familiar. I wonder if I actually find comfort in the distress, self-torture and self-punishment that obsessive googling creates and that is actually one of the motivations that keeps me doing it, just because it feels familiar?
2. It's a distraction and an escape. I can unintentionally waste hours obsessing, googling, thinking, fantasizing. I think it turns my attention away from my own problems so to that end, it's a kind of escape.
3. It's a reaction. If something has triggered me to feel sad, alone, anxious, hopeless etc., sure enough my attention turns to obsessing. Perhaps again, this is an example of it being an escape or distraction but I think it also provides me with comfort and reassurance, not only as described in no. 1. but because it's a way of feeling closer to T (or whoever I'm obsessing about).
So actually there are more than 3 reasons there: It's about seeking comfort, reassurance, distractions and escape from unpleasant feelings while at the same time, creating another issue over which beat myself up. 
On a deeper level though, as you've pointed out it is also about boundaries...argh there's too much to say on this...that will have to be my next installment on this thread when I have time to come back and write more.
I hope some of what I have said is helpful to you. I'm sorry you're going through this too. |
I appreciate your sharing how it is for you. It sounds similar for me except for an important aspect in my experience: if you cared or loved me, you would tell me. Hearing the "no" makes me angry and hurt. I talked about it for part of the session today. T said it doesn't mean she doesn't care about me. She said we can do EMDR about it which we were going to do this session but I talked about painting for too long.
I got into a mood before I left and asked " why can't you tell me? Then I'll be done with it. I can put it in writing that I won't go by his house. If he's on PsychologyToday, then he's one of them I saw. Etc. I said "why don't you ask him if he minds. T said something about what I was doing but I didn't hear her. She said why don't I just drop it. I think that's what she said. I don't remember the rest. I felt like I was begging her to tell me.
Earlier, I said I don't think anyone ever said no to me. She wanted to know how I feel towards that part who wants to know, and what does she want from me. I said she wants something from YOU. T wants me to give her what she wants. I don't know. I suppose love and attention.
So, I emailed T that for sure I want to do EMDR about my wanting to know, and being told NO next week. No talking about other stuff first unless something urgent comes up.