I don't think she is aware at all of my feelings for her. I've not said anything or hinted at it, but of course, she may suspect.

I don't know if I have a goal. I've just been going along, and seeing if I can cope with it all. It helped a lot to type that all out actually, because I've not spoken about it before.

I know it's unlikely I'd ever actually be with her, and it's an unrealistic, and unfair goal, given that she is married.
But, I care about her. If I stopped seeing her, it would be bad for her, because I help her a lot. And I like spending time with her.
I have no idea what will happen in 12 months time. How can I possibly think her husband is a decent guy?