Recluse

I suffer from PTSD caused by the Christian church. It causes me to relive my mother's suicide attempts, the bond that was broken, the Civil Rights Movement, the Viet Nam war, the death of my best friend (quite a few, actually), and hate crimes/brutality I've witnessed and experienced - still do to this day.

I'm reminded about how no one ever bothered to listen to my pain or lend me a hand. They just wanted to tell me about Jesus, blamed my problems on not accepting Jesus into my life and following church rules, then turned me away. I had REAL problems that needed action - not philosophical discussion and condemnation. The Bible couldn't teach me how to revive my unconscious mother, protect me out on the streets in the middle of the night, or bring back my POW "brother" tied to a tree in Viet Nam.

I know Christians mean well, but I cringe when I hear people say Jesus loves me or ask if I want to learn about God. It makes me nervous when people act like used car salesmen in order to spread the word (using marketing strategies). It all comes flooding back to me - all the pain, deception, lies and hypocrisy over the years. It has destroyed my trust in friendly strangers, especially those offering "candy" (salvation/shelter).

I try my best to keep a safe distance from Christians now because I'm very sick with familial amyloidosis. I'm falling apart too. I can't afford to keep reliving my nightmares for strangers and being ridiculed. It's hard to fathom why your religion would ask your people to do this to others (missionary/proselytizing) - or forgive each other for crimes against humanity. Why do you call yourselves "warriors?"

If/when I become a homeless "street urchin," I won't be able to turn to the church for help because I refuse to be someone's poster child or puppet. I'd rather starve/freeze to death on the streets. I'd like to die in peace, not being yelled at by angry strangers telling me to go to Hell.

It's nothing personal. You people just scare me, and I don't know how to resolve the issue. I don't hate you. I just don't know you or how to spot good Christians from bad - they all wear the same label.

I hope this hasn't upset you.