Can't afford it for the most part. I'm currently fixing that, so I don't believe that to be the real problem. I don't think it has to do with any lack of support because I know my fiance supports my decisions, and I'm very accustomed to not having support on any other end. I know my therapist will follow my lead on what I believe needs to happen.

It really comes down to me. I won't do it. My last experience is still at the forefront of my memory (which isn't positive) and I know I needed treatment. Real treatment. I know I went somewhere that made me feel worse and I left because of that. I know that I actually need something to pull me out of this but now I doubt a hospital's ability to treat me. I also doubt my resolve to stay as long as I'd need to. I always leave before I'm ready because that's what I do. Give me some ice for this concussion then let me back onto the court; so to speak. I know I need help, but I doubt I'm willing to get it, even if it's offered.