To get off topic just a bit - my sense has been that we retreat to comfortable places. Comfortable does not mean safe, healthy, or painless, it means places we understand and find predictable. And sometimes that means 'sympathizing with their enemy/abuser'. I think we can reject caregivers (1) because they are pulling us into unfamiliar and what we perceive as unsafe, places (ironic...), and (2) the further we move along in, e.g., T, the sooner we will be parted with the T, so it creates fear and resistance.

I think the process just takes time and trust. Having the abuser out of the equation is important since the person will collaborate with you to pull you back in (?). Get caught in a kind of tug-of-war. I think the process is different if your abuse was in the past than if you're dealing with a current abusive situation.

Those are just my thoughts. I'd be really interested to hear what others think.