Objectclient: Have you asked your T any of the questions you want to find out by googling? In the past, T has answered most of my questions, but not about her ex-husband or about current partner. That makes me want to find out. She's always said "you can ask me".

I agree the researching and obsessing is my way of wanting to be close to T, and trying to be in her life. I just tried to "have a conversation with that part" like T says to do. She said she wants to be part of T's life, but needs a face for T's partner. Or else, she wants T for herself. I told her, that child part, that she can't be part of T's life, that T doesn't want her to be. She cried when she heard that. I told her that she can be part of MY life, and she has to accept that T loves her, but she can only be in her life during the session. After that, she has me. Then I hugged her, or tried to visualize my hugging her. She just held onto me and cried.

So, it comes down to attachment again. Maybe that incubator. Not getting what I needed from my Mom. Idk. Awfully strong feelings in reaction to T saying "no". I really want to do the EMDR. In the meantime, I have to radically accept that T can't or won't give me everything I want. In DBT, we learned about "turning our mind." Over and over. Accepting reality. Over and over....

I wrote the above mostly for me but maybe it will help others. Comments welcome of course.