I don't hate my mom. On all levels it appears that my mom is a great mom, honestly. She loves me and says so. She's never been mean or manipulative. But I can't tell her I love her. I really don't feel like I do love her.

I visited her over Christmas which I knew she'd love. And she did. But her husband told me I need to tell her I love her. It's the second time he's said that. I know he loves her and is just looking out for her. And I'm actually grateful for that.

But I can't tell her I love her.

I'm still trying to figure it out. I read some articles, but most of them are about mom's who don't care or are mean and abusive. My mom isn't that way. The worse she did while I was growing up was that she ignored me. Even though I can rationalize that as her being a single mom, somehow that hurt goes too deep to let go of. It's the only thing that I can think of that makes me not love my mother.

That's sad, isn't it? That something that seems so tiny to everyone else's problems is the one thing I can't let go of?

I remember trying to connect with her in my early 20's, but she was always off with her male friend. She wanted it to be something way more than it was and tried for years to get that relationship married off.

Now that she's remarried she seems to want to get to know me. I guess that bothers me on some level too. But as I get older I appreciate the time I have to spend with her, but I really don't feel like I love her.

I hate the guilt that her husband inflicted on me that I need to tell her that I love her, but he's probably right. But I'm not going to say empty words either.