Quote:
Originally Posted by BradF
Thanks for the great input!
I'm not sure how to avoid the "friendship zone" without scaring her. We entered into this with her making it clear that she wanted to be friends first. As I mentioned, she is like a "rock". This charm that I apparently have that works on other women does NOT work on her. She tells me she likes me but I get the feeling that if I get too "lovey" it will scare her. I've told her that I miss her and I've even gone as far as explaining that she gives me "butterflies". She resopnded that she was not there but that she wants to see where things go.
So, here is another nice little twist. So far all we've done is meet for drinks. It's very cold and snowy here so there aren't a lot of options. I told her a few weeks ago that I really want to do something different and fun with her. We started talking about the possibility of a weekend together. She said she was very excited. She asked if I was comfortable with "overnight". I (the "nice guy") told her that I was comfortable with whatever she was comfortable with and (I feel like this is where things went south) I brought up intimacy. I told her that I didn't want her to feel as if it was necessary but that I was open. I actually said a lot more than that in an attempt to reassure her that I was not looking for sex. (She said: "you're the sweetest man!") I'm trying to build that emotional security thing because I want more out of this relationship. She came back with "let's just do a day trip". So I recommended a day trip and she never responded. I figured I screwed up and went overboard and was pretty much mentally preparing myself for the premature demise of our friendship. Then, she texted me, showing that she was still there. But still no mention of us spending more time together.
|
Communication is key.
If you're going to take this friendship - romance seriously, its imperative you two learn how to talk to each other.
Before we started dating, my boyfriend was one of my best and closest friends.
But suddenly I discovered I was very uncomfortable talking about my feelings when they had to do with him. Luckily I discovered emailing him worked wonders, and we've adopted a system for the awkward talks.
Anyway, what I'm getting at is this, tell her the fact that your weekend was downgraded to a day trip does not go unnoticed, and you'd like to know why. Have you made her uncomfortable, have you overstepped a boundary, or did you just say something she finds really off putting. Make sure to mention the reason you're asking.
Not because a strange lady on the internet said to, but because you're taking the development of your friendship really seriously and you don't want to do or say anything to jeopardize it.
It's important to know each others boundaries and expectations, fumbling in the dark like idiots is a laborious and usually fruitless task.
Btw, my bf has an Oscar award worthy poker face, I thought he was a rock too, no such thing, some people are just better at hiding and or compartmentalizing. So dont doubt your charm just yet.