Hi Tangerine

I'm really sorry things are feeling so hard for you
And although I totally get how that feeling of powerless can walk hand in hand with depression...........but you know, you have just shown immense power in reaching out on here..........so that is a big step, and respect!!
I know feelings like you're going through can be real hard to "shake" at times and it can be real hard to "go it alone"........but with support...........so keep on talking/sharing, hey??
And with hope..........well in "dark times" that can feel impossible, right?? But maybe starting off on a smaller scale.........as in hopefully this afternoon/today/next week will/can be a little better...........and if it isn't that can still be alright because maybe the next afternoon/day/week will/can be..........and at some point..........well there is/can be hope.
And in time if things are a little easier.........then those hopes can build........just go with what you can, right now
And you know.........throw in things to help the day, even just a tiny bit if you can........e.g. listening to music, rewarding yourself.........and any time you need to (or it might help!!) share some of those feelings, reach out for a little support

Alison