No, I never felt comfortable asking as I don't think T would have welcomed it, or that I could have survived the rejection. Although T did self-disclose when it was relevant to my therapy, she made sure to censor what she said so that I didn't get to find out anymore than I absolutely needed to.

I do agree that this googling and obsessing, needing to know about T and wanting to be in T's life is also about boundaries. I interpreted my T's boundaries as her being emotionally unavailable to me. I felt angry at this because from my perspective, T was the one person who could provide everything I felt I needed/had ever needed emotionally, yet she chose not to. It was like punishment or torture to me, yet I had done nothing to deserve it.

In your case, Rainbow; I can understand why you suppose being a premature baby could explain your feelings towards your T now. In fact, it makes perfect sense. How are you with boundaries in relationships outside of therapy?