I agree with Parva that not every "safe" situation we perceive is not actually safe, rather than a predictable situation in which we know very well how to behave. Unpredictable situations will cause arousal and drive us from our comfort zone.
Sympathizing with the abuser, I guess and from what I read previously, means that the abused has identified so much with the abuser. It makes us in a way give "excuse" to the abuser for his actions because we identified with him so much. This will turns the self against the self because we will perceive ourselves as the only culprits in what had happened to us. The shame will be directed towards ourselves and we will suffer immensely.
Other reasons I guess, is the concept of reenactments. we reenact past situations as a way to master them, or because we developed rudimentary defense strategies that no longer work in our adult life.
I attached a paper that talks at lengths about the reenactments. Hope it can help everyone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parva
To get off topic just a bit - my sense has been that we retreat to comfortable places. Comfortable does not mean safe, healthy, or painless, it means places we understand and find predictable. And sometimes that means 'sympathizing with their enemy/abuser'. I think we can reject caregivers (1) because they are pulling us into unfamiliar and what we perceive as unsafe, places (ironic...), and (2) the further we move along in, e.g., T, the sooner we will be parted with the T, so it creates fear and resistance.
I think the process just takes time and trust. Having the abuser out of the equation is important since the person will collaborate with you to pull you back in (?). Get caught in a kind of tug-of-war. I think the process is different if your abuse was in the past than if you're dealing with a current abusive situation.
Those are just my thoughts. I'd be really interested to hear what others think.
|