Hi Confused,

I think we all wonder what it would be like to feel normal again and feel the pain go away. It sounds like you're in the throes of severe depressive episode. Nothing will make you feel better at this time, because it is a chemical imbalance in the brain that tricks us into believing nothing is good and we will always feel the way we do today. This is defininetly a lie that depression holds on us, don't believe it. Your mind is very powerful and you can hear the roar inside, I know because I have heard it too. But there is hope right around the corner if you can just hold on long enough. Call your pdoc and definitely let him know what's going on in your head. Do you feel safe? If not you know what to do, don't be alone and get help fast. Depression doesn't care what's going on around you because all there is when you're in this state is blackness calling your name to visit down there. Don't go there and if you're already there ask the closest person to lift you out and fight the fight with all you have. My heart goes out to you because I can't always see it when I start the descent myself, that is until I'm too far down. I know it hurts alot and then it just all turns to numbness. At least that's how depression grabs a hold on me and won't let go. Let us all help you as we help ourselves. Take care

Confused, it's only my opinion, but you really need to be hospitalized for your safety and peace of mind about your kids. I have a son and I know it's not healthy for him to see me in this state. He needs to know it's ok to ask for help and get better. My only suggestion now is for you to do what you need to do and go to the nearest hospital for evaluation and help you until this darkness subsides. Trust me don't wait until you do something you may not be able to take back like I did. Your kids need a healthy mom, and one is there for them. By taking the risk of letting others help you in the hospital where you can get meds to work for you is a way of helping yourself and your children too. I'm sorry for your marital problems, I too have problems at home and know some of how you feel. We're all here for you so go get help, and post back on how much better you feel once you come back home. We'll all still be here waiting for you.