Before you can effectively work on anything, maybe acceptance of what you can't control would help you forward. I agree with Mickey, that attempting therapy with someone different might be a good idea. Some minds are just like yours and that's okay. To be honest, maybe you shouldn't worry about "fixing" it, and just figure a way to cope and live with it. By the way, you writing skills are pretty good for not writing in a while and it all made sense. Welcome to PC.