Hello StewieGG: I'm sorry you are feeling so down on yourself. I don't know as there is much I can offer here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

The good news here is that you are aware of what you perceive your "shortcomings" to be. So you can take steps to improve. Of course, as I'm sure you realize, the best solution here would be if you could come to accept yourself just as you are... without feeling the need to make changes to satisfy anyone but yourself. However, I know how it is. You want others, especially your bf, to see you as smart, confident, beautiful, sexy... all those things the culture tells us we should be.

You wrote that you have a long road ahead. The important thing is to try not to look too far down that road all at once. Just take it one step at a time. The longest journey begins with a single step...