So, this is what stability (for the most part) feels like? How is this a good thing?

I guess, in some cases, my fiance doesn't have to worry about coming home from work and seeing me dead on the floor. I'm not randomly disappearing and partying. No one has to worry about me running off. No one has to worry about me dying off. I haven't self-harmed, seeing as how I really only do it when I'm suicidal. I've wanted to but I haven't.

All of these are good things and I'm not denying that. I just have to deal with things now. I have to deal with things I don't want to. To say I'm not suicidal is true for the most part, the ideation is still here. I don't think that will ever leave. I even had it when I'd be hypo. I feel stranded and alone right now. Like I'm just cut-off from everyone and everything. I don't want to live like this, guys. I really don't.