It's hard, especially today. It took me some time to get out of bed, went to exercise although it's hard, went to eat with a close friend, told him what's on my heart recently...
I feel defeated, and unfortunately a victim of close people, even some household family members.
Our family has great emphasis on being kind, but I feel this kind of teaching puts you vulnerable in front of the less kind, loud people, etc...
Also the existential problems, a close friend who scarred me and I don't know what to do to get the pain away from me.
I talked to my therapist about it and he doesn't have much to offer to help on this kind of subject.

I feel it's getting worse, but I want to see a better life.
But something in me makes me want to make other's lives better because of the pain I've been going through. It's hard for me to thrive while people are "left behind" in pain.
I want a heterosexual relationship of support, nurturing and thriving. I want a relationship where we can each other for who we are, not just for what we make each other feel.

Those thoughts are a part of self-discovery, but how long can one discover things about himself when there's a world to grow in? It's one conflict which makes me feel down the way I am now.

I'd love some hugs and support.