I finally told my mom and brother about my suicidal thoughts. My mom reacted with worry but didn't really hide the pills from me or anything.

I am feeling a little anxious tonight which seems to be a pattern now during the night. I want to go to bed as soon as it turns dark to escape for a little while.

My dad gave me a little beer to drink tonight saying it would help me feel better. My mom has a friend that's a psychiatrist who told me not drink it as it would make me more depressed. I drank just half a beer anyway. She says that I could consider adding wellbutrin onto my medication regimen to help with the depression. But I already feel like I'm taking so much.

I will have another night with tenuous sleep induced by 2mg of ativan. If I could just sleep better I feel like I'd be in a better place. There just is no relief out of this misery.

I am actually finishing up medical school and was a highly successful student. I can occupy myself with a little bit of computer work that I have to do. It at least gives me something to do when I'm consumed with anxiety and nervous energy.