I am so sorry you're feeling this bad. I would like to help but feel like I might be interfering, so tell me to butt out if you need to. I'll understand. But I've just got to ask:
I apologize if you've considered any of these options already and chosen not to go forward with them, but rather than inpatient, have you considered a course of ECT, or transcranial magnetic stimulation? Emdr therapy? Or even emotional freedom therapy (also known as tapping--a therapy you can do yourself for free that some people say have helped them reduce symptoms from depression, anxiety, ptsd, and other issues )?
Please know that I'm not trying to be a know it all--you sound so miserable that I just want to help if I can. Let me know if you'd like more info on any of these--I'm happy to hunt them down and post links. Someone did this for me when I really needed it, so I thought I'd psss it along. Like I said, feel free to tell me to MYOB