Today is the day T officially closes the sale on her home. She will still travel once a week here to see clients. She is moving in with her significant other out of state but only about 1 1/2 hours away. So many things will change and I fear winter weather will cause her to cancel some over the next couple of months. It sucks. I feel like even though I will be scheduled to see her weekly. I feel like I am losing her. Like almost everybody else in my life. I fear losing her consistency. I have always been able to contact her whenever I needed to. She was okay with me emailing her even if it was to vent and get things off my chest especially when my Ptsd was triggered. A couple of months ago she mentioned that whole she is still there for me she also wanted me to think about who else I can reach out to. I have done that some with success bur there are some things I can't talk to others about...but I don't want to bother her.

I have been struggling for the past month and a half with thoughts of wishing I could go to sleep and never wake up. We have discussed these thoughts some in sessions. 1 can't just tell my husband or friends about this. I do have a wonderful proc. But she recently changed group system she works with. Before we worked in the medical system so I could email and I knew the staff. If I needed you contact her between appointments I felt comfortable doing so. With the new place I don't have her email and the office staff is not very friendly. Honestly with all these changes I don't feel safe telling her about the thoughts going on in my head and how much I am struggling.

I have refrained from contacting t this week as I knowshe had way more important things going than dealing with my issues. While for the past 8 or years or so years that I have always felt safe, and knew I cound rely on T. I now wonder what the whole point of continuing seeing her. If I am always wondering what the next big change will be that it would be painful. I wonder if these passive SUI could partially have to do with losing her