Quote:
Originally Posted by little turtle
hey fuzzy this is good....NOT GOOD ENOUGH...somehow I feel that about myself...not good enough....where did that come from...didn't measure up....
it must of come from my parents...I wasn't that bad a boy...I was bad but I wasn't a hateful kid...I was angry at my father most of the time...I think it came from him...I was not a big time worker.....I never measured up...well that now is there in my brain...my father is still there even tho he died a long time ago...  |
((((((( little turtle ))))))))
My father wanted me to be a doctor... I didn't work for my A levels (he had left by then).. so yes, intrinsically "not good enough". I wasn't even "good enough" for them to want to have another child
The reality was he continued having affairs when I was a baby, I think the mother thought having a baby may stop this but I wasn't "good enough" - wrong sex, not perfect looking (in her opinion, she had even decided what colour hair etc the baby should have...) (I was pretty and not a bad kid but I wasn't ..... )
Maybe it would have been better if she had "played with dolls" - they would never answer back, never want to be themselves (not a copy of the father...) (and having his "superior intelligence" but not his cruelty, bigotry and meanness...)