I'm sorry that happened to you. You need to give yourself some time to process what happened to you. You're most certainly not alone. I'm here for support for my mil, who has Complex Trauma from her childhood. There's a book called, "On the Threshold of Hope" by Diane Mandt Langerg, PH.D She's wonderful. I'm getting this book for my dil, it may help, it's available through kindle. I downloaded kindle app on my cell phone and am able to read it with my cell phone. You'll find a wonderful counselor to help you through your process. I'm sure you have many feelings that your are dealing with and they are all normal. ((hugs)) dear one