No it's not fair to him. If she says she wants to leave and he tries to tell her he loves her, she becomes very angry at him. I'm very concerned for him. I'm starting to wonder if something else is going on with her? Her life before our family is very complicated and full of trauma. It was on going trauma from birth. I just didn't realize that it would be so difficult to recover from. I thought she was willing for therapy before she married our son. What I thought was willingness turned out to be her only telling us what we wanted to hear. Now she has turned against us saying she didn't have much say about getting married and we pushed her to marry our son. She told me she was too young. She forgets that she came to me and told me they were dating and she didn't want to date but get married right away! When I reminded her of her saying that, she said she couldn't say anything in opposition to it because she did say it. She has selective amnesia. When it's her doing she blames it on everyone else, especially my son, husband and myself, the ones who care for her the most.

You sound much more level headed and reasonable than my dil. I can even understand the feelings that Jay may leave you. My father abandoned my family and I when I was 3 years old. That feeling lingers...I can be the most happy content woman in the world and still have the need to check my husband's cell phone just to make sure I wasn't right and he would cheat on me. I've woken with nightmares, wanting to slug him because in my dreams he cheated on me. He's never cheated on me. He's not going to leave me either. We've been married going on 29 years! We were high school sweet hearts. The man has already gone through the really bad times with me and he's not going to leave me. It doesn't matter how much I weigh or what my hair looks like, he's not going. I told him the other day, wouldn't it be a shame if he passed away and then I finally said to myself, "He was never going to leave me and I wasted all that energy on that? It wasn't him, it is the trauma of my dad leaving us. If he, my father, my most trusted man, left me, than I'm not good enough to stay for. That's the lie. I choose not to believe the lie although the trauma has been a bugger my entire life.