I've always felt that I don't enjoy the things that make others excited. I don't like social interactions, at all. I don't like attending concerts. I don't like partying. I don't like to travel. I don't like going out. Luxury and money don't motivate me. I don't like attention. I don't like movies (recently been added to the list). I find special days like Christmas and new year eve as another day or night, while others celebrate and enjoy them. I let the voice mail take my phone calls to avoid talking to people, although it's usually something official.

Despite all of that, I've kept going in the main areas of my life, in my education and profession, just out of fear of being called a failure, and become a joke to others. You can imagine how sluggish I've been. Distinguished in neither. People think I'm normal, so I have to act like one.

It's inevitable in my case to be alone. Not fun, not interesting, not sociable, and not distinguished. Who might want to be around me? No friends, and of course no love. This reinforces my depression in a feedback cycle.

I don't eat healthy or exercise. I find the slightest of things (like preparing a meal or washing the dishes) very difficult. I often don't eat until I feel I begin to have a headache, and even then I will have no appetite.

This is my life so far. I know I will end in a small and deep grave, but how my path to it will be!! Will it be the same as it's always been, or it will change at some point!! There is always a hope, but with the passage of time it fades away, and it becomes harder to find something to hang on.