I find your anxiety completely understandable (sounds like it is based on reality/not a delusion) and am sorry you have had to go through (and continue to go through) this traumatic experience.
I am sure my attempt was traumatic for many people in my life and still work hard every day to ensure I do not get like that again. Despite feeling sort of "boring" when I am medicated, I have been taking everything my psychiatrist prescribed to me since December 14th and the last time I had a drink (I was only having one a day during a vacation) was in August. I am willing to give up alcohol because I know it makes my lows lower (and my highs higher). Basically, I am committed to a completely mundane life as repentence for what I have done. From what you have said about your mother, she is likely in more danger of becoming suicidal so long as she continues to drink. I think excessive alcohol makes us more unstable, especially when it comes to those of us that have drank excessively most of our lives. I hope that some day that she can give it up too. Though one of my grandmother's drank excessively from the day I met her (my first memory was when I was about 6 years old) until the day she died (she was in her 70s). I know that is depressing but I think it is best to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. I really do hope your mom continues to recover. She sounds wonderful in many ways. Take care of yourself and know that it is possible for both of you to get better. <<<hugs>>>