thanks, everyone wiretwister, I think you sort of hit the nail on the head - I constantly question whether I'm in a "bad enough" place to take medication at all. I've survived a long time without it and am "high-functioning." I get low, decide it's time to do something about it, then feel better and do nothing. repeat x 15 years. My depressions tend to be very severe but very short in duration, which makes it even harder to commit. I guess a leap of faith is in order...