she thanked me a lot for being there for her and according to her, for the first time in her life she has a plan for her life, more or less. It is a very simple plan, she will be moving in with her grandmother who has health issues to help her out. That grandmother is a very decent lady, she is a theatre fan and does not have alcohol problem (they are not related by blood, in fact. adoption story).
By more open to help I mean that right now I am more comfortable to express my attitude towards her lifestyle, she sensed that and we spoke about her alcoholism openly. It feels like she has a very screwed up image of herself, since most of her blood relatives are addicts and she grew up in that environment, she is rolling down the same path. I know it is not up to me to change the way she views herself, so I am letting go. It is very hard and painful to do. Also, not going to hide - it is hard to let go of someone who was giving you so much attention and affection. But it is probably for the better.
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Originally Posted by Rose76
I'm wondering what you mean by "I feel more open to help . . . "
This gal has what is now called "alcohol use disorder." (Doctors have kind of retired the word "alcoholic.") That's what a room littered with beer cans means. How do you "help" that?
I would encourage you to go to an Al-Anon meeting and pick up some of their literature . . . especially since you have a pattern of being attracted to substance abusers.
Substance abusers - drunks and addicts - aren't best described as people living "on the edge" who "rebel against social norms." This is not merely a Bohemian lifestyle. This is a person who is very sick. And she has not "turned her life around." I have to disagree with Stewie on that. Her problem isn't just her "history." She is deep in the throes of deterioration now. To find that objectionable is not being "judgemental." It is being sensibly discerning.
What separates you aren't mere "differences." Difference would be, like, you're a vegan and she is not. Or: you're a liberal and she's a conservative. This is way beyond "differences." Her life has fallen apart, and she is not in the process of putting it back together.
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