Hey all. I'm going to be 25 years old in a week and I'm not feeling too great at all. I was hoping that by the time I was 25 my depression would have gone away, or at least be under control. It's not. It's gotten a lot worse. I'm going to be 25 and I feel like my life is meaningless and I feel extremely hopeless. I just finished grad school and I'm trying to find a job and it is ridiculously hard, which isn't helping my depression.

My friend circle is very small and they all have their romantic partners and others friends, and not all of them live in the same state. I used to go to conventions and cosplay and, because my friend group got so small, I can't do it as much anymore, since cosplaying is a very social activity. It helped a lot with my depression because I was able to tap into my creativity and sew costumes and make props. Can't do that anymore.

My mother and I have the same birthday. I was hoping that we would celebrate it together. Instead she said, "No, Saturday is my day for church". She goes to church from 9AM-4 or 7PM every Saturday. She also goes to church after work on Monday and Tuesday. Instead, she wants to have dinner after her job the day before our birthday but it's not the same...It really hurt that she can't even spend some time with me on our actually birthday because she'll be in church from 6-9 hours...I respect her religion but she actually told me one time, "You can't expect me to choose between you and the church, can you?" after she promised to take me out for dinner after I accomplished something big and changed her mind at the last second. I feel like I come second even to my mother.

Anyway, I just feel so sad and depressed, as if I have nothing to live for. I'm feeling worse and worse as the days go by and I can't bring myself to do much of anything. I'm tired of feeling this way and I just want to cry all the time.

I've been working hard since I was a kid and I don't want to die having achieved nothing, you know? I don't want to die depressed.

I'm just very tired.

I don't see the point of trying anymore.