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But when you don't have this intrinsic impulse to socialize, it's hard to keep acting, and people will eventually see your (avoiding or indifferent) behavior as no longer acceptable and rude. Even when I try, I guess it makes me appear not genuine....I wonder if there is someone here who has/had the same experience, and have been able to overcome this issue successfully and how? In other words, is it possible to "create" this urge or feeling (call it whatever) that pushes you to socialize, or it's something you either have or you don't?
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My experience is as follows.
At first, if you want to socialize more, you have to just decide that you are going to do it, whatever your inner impulse is. You must socialize even when your inner impulse is to avoid. You must
act opposite of that impulse. You must pick up the phone, you must say hello. Somehow or other, you must overcome the anxiety and take a step. It can and should be a small step, but still
a step. Identify small, manageable steps, and force yourself to take those steps.
Just as if a person is afraid of elevators, they must somehow take steps to get themselves inside an elevator if they hope to overcome that fear.
You could create an
anxiety ladder. To do that, make a list of about 8-10 forms of socializing that you would like to accomplish. Rank them from easiest for you to hardest for you. Start with the easiest one (which might not be "easy" but should not be excessively hard). Try to do that one every day, or at least as often as you can. As that one gets easier, you can move up the ladder to harder tasks.
Once I began to take the steps--small steps--I found that it gets easier. Mind you, I still must pretty much every day at some point resist the impulse to avoid/hide. This ran through my head today as a matter of fact:
I don't want to ask whether this store sells chilis packed in oil. When I get that impulse to avoid, then I know that I just have to make myself ask, just as a form of therapy if nothing else. I just have to do it if I am committed to being more sociable.
If I fall short, I look at what happened, learn from it,
don't judge myself for it, and plan to do better next time.
Socializing can be like many skills: one can get better at it by practice.