Usually my manic episodes last long, but I am noticing more of a rapid cycling pattern lately. On my elevated days, I'm taking a lot of risks and have difficulties controlling my behavior. Then, in between, I have my depressed days lately.

I feel embarrassed lately, because of recent manic behavior. I reflect on that wish that I could have done things over again. This is especially bad when I'm meeting new people: friends or otherwise. That's not to mention that when my mood is super low, I also hate the way I come off as unapproachable and shut everyone out.

I want to be able to put my best foot forward with others, but I mess everything up when I'm rapidly cycling or manic. I don't want to be that person. I long for healthy bonds. I sabotage myself, yet feel in the moment that I don't have control over my behavior. One thing that bothers me deeply: I keep saying I'm going to make positive changes, but why can't I take my own advice (or the advice of my therapist) and apply it?

Should I explain myself to others when I come back down to Earth? Am I being too hard on myself? I wonder these things. I do a great job beating myself up. No wonder the mania turns right into depression.

Basically, I'm wondering, how do you cope with the aftermath of mania? How do you overcome the guilt and frustration you have when you look back on the things you've said and done? I'm so tired of this and feel like crap about myself.