Hello hopelesslady: I did not see your post until the day after you posted it. So my reply is late. However, there's probably not much I could offer that would be of benefit anyway. I'm 68 & have struggled with depression & anxiety. (I've tried taking the do-it-yerself" approach a couple of times previously.) I've never had ECT. I'm also no longer on psych med's. Nor do I see a therapist. I ruminate a lot about wishing my life would draw to a conclusion. But I have no plans, any longer, to take an direct action to that end.

I hope your pending hospitalization will be helpful for you. Beyond that I will simply say... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!