update:
I did get to my dr and she put me on seroquel to address the depression. I've taken it two nights in a row now, boy I forgot how sleepy it makes me in the mornings. But this morning I did wake up at 5am and 10 am so that's good.
I'm not crying all day long. I'm still a little obsessive in my thinking but that should ease here soon.
I"m also doing a program with a life coach, just started Friday and she is so positive and I feel much better. The theme she uses is the laws of attraction and a lot of it makes total sense in the quantum physics/mechanics explanation of things. I totally get that everything is energy, including thoughts. SO. trying to think of things in a positive rather than a negative way and looking to try and love myself, improve myself and do the work to invite better things into my life.

one of those things I have figured out is that all of the men (to include my ex H) I have been with have had major issues with childhood emotional neglect/abandonment. this last breakup mirrors the one I had in 2006...And as I have suspected before, I have those same mom issues as well (my mom did a lot of things to harm me emotionally, she also suffered depression so was neglectful as well). so apparently I have life lessons to learn.

Divine, we seem to have a lot in common I think. You are right, I am becoming aware, I"m going to grow and I will be fine. Thank you SO much for being here for me. I really appreciate you.