Jinny is right.....there are many caring people here at PC who understand your confusion and being overwhelmed. I too at one point felt that way. And as people have told you they told me the same thing.....the answers are out there. That would frustrate me. I understand.

Find one thing that gives you the feeling of joy and hang on to that. It doesn't matter how insignificant or small it is....you hang on. Try to find one positive thing to say to yourself when you get up in the morning....no matter what it is.

The change doesn't happen over night but replacing some of the negative thoughts with some positive will help.

I am sorry you feel this way and know that some of us here in some way or another relate to you. You are not alone.
Snow