Hey people. How you doing? It's been six months since I introduced myself around here, which came as as little surprise to me when I became aware of it after I decided to post a new thread here. This is the way my life seems to go - I start something that I think will take me out of my perpetually bored state and then I forget about it for months.

That's the thing, actually. I was once someone with such passion and joy in life. Always had a little bit of a problem to deal with my feelings, but who hasn't? At least when something bad happened, I could feel sad. Now I don't. I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago and things just got worse and worse. They were already going downhill since I left school when I was 18. I became distant from my old friends and my father got married and got more distant from me. First I started to care less about music, which was my greatest passion, then, gradually, literature and films and so on and so on. And now I basically don't care about anything. Nothing excites me, really. Every once in a while, for some short moments, life seems exciting again (but still not as intense as it used to be), but then everything becomes tedious again.

I envy some people I see trying to find help in the internet that say that everything feels boring or bad most of the time but that still they have happy and joyous moments - well, I haven't known those for a long, long time. I'm actually, in a level, aware of what's happening - I have shut my feelings as I can't seem to be able to deal with them. I've never felt much comfortable in this planet even if I have a kind of charismatic side and can get along easily with people in a lot of situations. But I just feel like I don't belong, in a lot of senses, and that can be very painful. I know that while not being able to feel that pain for 99% of the time.

I've been having breathing problems since my breakup which has stopped me from singing and made it harder for me to exercise for long periods. I'm running 2-3 times a week now but I get more sweaty in any kind of exercise than I normally would. I can barely concentrate in films or books or music or anything really.

I don't want to make this post really long so I'll cut it here. Later I may write more and detail things so it's easier for those who are available to help me understand a little better what I'm going through. Thank you if you took a little bit of your time to read until here.